Underneath the Stars
by Lae Bevin
Summary: Thoughts of a man who's on the verge of losing his soul


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Disclaimer: HP related stuff… JK owns them. Other characters who don't recognise… my friends and I own them.

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Author's note: Once again… a songfic from me. Mariah Carey's "Underneath the stars". I don't know how it goes but it looks good to me. 

Sorry for the sentence structure. I meant to write it that way. Read this as if… (well no other way to put it) it were a monologue. Wait a sec… this is a monologue. :) 

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Underneath the stars

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One summer night,

We ran away for a while

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Summer before the seventh year, I invited Lae to visit so I could introduce her to my parents. I fetched her from The Breeze. I met her father there. He was still well that time. We drove to The Midnight. And my mother loved her. Father was worried. He never said anything.

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Laughing, we hurried beneath the sky

To an obscure place top hide

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Remus came to visit Gin that summer as well. So, naturally, Lae and I had our share of hiding. I never quite thought I'd find The Midnight too small for Gin and I. But it was… for everywhere Lae and I went, Remus and Gin were always there. Doing the things Lae and I went to those places for. 

So, alas, we found the perfect place. On the bridge. At the very heart of it. I found out how well I can make alterations to a lot of spells and charms Hogwarts taught us. Lucky, I am smart and Lae listens to Flitwick.

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That no one could find

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We never bumped into Remus and Gin after we found our spot. Yes, nobody saw us. Not even the house elves. 

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And we drifted to another state of mind

And imagined I was yours and you were mine

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I would never forget that place. Our feet dangled over the lake as we chatted and let time fly by. I never imagined that an unphysical relationship can surpass whatever _orgasmic_ means. We barely fooled around on those nights at the bridge. We sat there and really learned more about each other.

Maybe it was the lake. Or perhaps the stars that hovered over us. I don't really know. Perhaps it was _her _magic… that drifted me to her. It didn't quite feel like I was at The Midnight. Perhaps she did bring me to another place. Or maybe it was a dream that I imagined that she brought me to The Breeze… sitting on the cliff over the sea.

That was where I first saw her. I mean _really _see her. Gin made me accompany her to take a painting from Lae's father. We flew to that cliff and Lae was standing there… in her Irish dress with her curls dancing with the gentle sea breeze. It was the summer before the fifth year.

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As we lay upon the grass there in the dark

Underneath the stars

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Summer of '78… that season was indeed memorable. Father let me be… he laid off. And he let me and Lae be in love. 

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Young love

Underneath the stars

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Only nature witnessed how our love was conceived, how love was born, and how love had grown…

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Weak in the knees…

Wrapped in the warm gentle breeze

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And then school started. And I found out about her. That was when I faltered. I was frightened… scared… to be hurt… to be alone. But she cuddled me… and kept me together. She brought me misery but healed it off with love. Her love. Her undying love. 

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So shy…

A bundle of butterflies

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I remember… on the night of my birthday. She prepared something for me. Since it wasn't a weekend, we could not go to Hogsmeade (and she wouldn't allow herself to use those secret passages on the map). She put together a scavenger hunt – Marauder's hunt if you must. She let the whole school in it. Even Dumbledore thought it was a great idea. Of course the Slytherins tried to mess it up. But even they didn't want to mess with Lae. (I think Snape or Malfoy had an idea she could kill them without using Avada – that's why they backed off.)

It ended in the locker room, where butterflies were fluttering everywhere and there was a picnic set up in the middle. It was exactly like out spot at the bridge. She recreated the summer for us. I still don't know how she did it. But she did. And that was my best birthday. The last birthday I celebrated before the war broke.

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Flushed with a heat of desire 

And a natural high

As we drifted to another place and time

And the feeling was so heady and sublime

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And we made love. No… not just pointless sex to satisfy an urge. Love… we concretised love… like the way we did the first time she allowed me to take her…. allowed someone to take her.

That goes back to summer '78. In my room… candles everywhere… roses and wildflowers everywhere. She was perfect. _Is_ perfect. She looked so beautiful. and I never thought I was worthy of her love. But she chose me. And she loved me. _Loves_ me. 

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As I lost my heart to you there in the dark

Underneath the stars

Young love

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No… not even this could erase her memory. She has my heart… young love _is _everlasting love for Sirius Black. 

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Beautiful and Bittersweetly

You were fading into me…

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She grew in me. and I could not stop the time nor freeze the moments. 

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And I was fading into you.

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Even if I knew I would lose her, I unconsciously but willingly allowed myself to further grow in love with her. 

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But the time went sailing by.

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Knowing how so little time I had left… risking everything as I allowed it to happen… I did not stop. I continued to love her. _Continue _to love her.

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Reluctantly we said goodbye…

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She left… with a painful goodbye.

To that I could not say anything more.

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And left our secret place so far behind

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Three years later, and this is what I have become. Not only was I kidnapped from my Midnight. I was stolen from my world. And placed in this hell hole.

Only nature knows where she was taken. Nothing or no one else to rely on that one.

I brought death to Lily and James… I've betrayed Remus when I denied him of the truth. And to Harry… only God knows how my poor godson will grow up with those Muggles.

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And I lay in bed all night…

And I was drifting…

Drifting…

Drifting…

Drifting…

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This is what I must endure in this freezing cell… all my life… without no one.

I am drifting to nothingness… oblivion… death.

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And I was yours

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She owned me. Still does. My heart… soul… my entire being. She chose to love me when everyone just wanted a piece of me. She wanted all of me… even the screwed up me. She wanted every little bit of me. And I was hers. _I am hers. _

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And you were my own…

My own baby

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She was more than my girlfriend/lover. She was my life. _Is _my life. Not even these damned dementors can get to that depth of my soul. She stays untouchable in me.

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As we lay…

As we…

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But we were torn away from the world that taught us how to love. We were deprived of a happy life together. Our lives were stolen from us. And we _are_ forced to live on different sides. I… only _existing. _Behind these cold walls. She… oh hell, I wish I knew at least where she drifted to…

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Lay underneath the stars…

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Same night sky… same moon… same stars. Still underneath the same stars. At least I hope we are.

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Laenan Speaks: Reviews? It wouldn't hurt, you know? :) 


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